结婚前要弄清楚的问题 - 中文

GENERAL QUESTIONS

• Why are we getting married?
• What do we as a couple want out of life?
• What do you think we'll be doing in thirty or forty years?
• How often do you drink?
• Have you ever hit someone?
• Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another? Why/why not?
• Do you have a criminal record?
• Are you willing to replace the toilet tissue roll?

SELF IMAGE

• How would you describe yourself?
• How do you think I see you?
• Am I a jealous person?
• Do I have trust issues or feel insecure?
• How important is affirmation to me?
• Do I handle compliments well?
• What is your love language?
• Do you think we listen to one another well?
• Do you think it is important to know one another's physical and mental health histories?

LOVE LANGUAGE

• Words of Affirmation
  This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence.
• Quality Time
  Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.
• Gifts
  It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
• Acts of Service
  Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
• Physical Touch
  Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.

FAMILY HISTORY

·  What was your childhood like?
·  Was your family an affectionate one?
·  Do you think we will have problems with your family during the holidays?
·  What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?
·  What do you like and dislike about your family?
·  what do you like and dislike about my family?
·  What do you like and dislike about your parents' marriage?
·  What do you like and dislike about my parents' marriage?

HOUSEHOLD CHORES

• Will you clean the toilet?
• How are we going to divide up the household chores?
• What are your expectations about how we will spend our free time?
• How do you want to spend our days off?
• Do you believe that we should be doing everything together?
• Can we each pursue our own interests?
• Do you need time alone?
• How would you feel if I want a night out with my friends now and then?
• How will we make sure we have quality time together?

MONEY

• Can we talk about money?
• Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?
• Do you want to have a budget?
• Should we have a joint account or separate accounts or both?
• Who is going to be responsible for making sure that bills are paid on time?
• Do you consider going to the movies and having a vacation every year a necessity or a luxury?
• How much do we owe in debts and what are our assets?
• Where does our money go?
• What are our financial goals?
• Do you have any outstanding fines or debts?
• What are our future plans for purchasing a home?
• Do we both know where our important financial documents are located?

SEX

• Have we had sexual relationships before?
• If yes, have we repented and are we forgiven?
• If yes, have we had medical tests done to determine that we are free from sexual diseases such as AIDS?
• How do you feel about these questions?

CHILDREN

• Do you want to have a child?
• Do we want to have a child?
• How long should we be married before having children?
• What kind of parent do you think you will be?
• What is your parenting philosophy?
• Will one of us stay home after we have children?
• What type of birth control should we use if we want to postpone or prevent parenthood?
• How do you feel about adoption?
• Do you have any children already?

DECISIONS

·  How will we make decisions together?
·  Are we both willing to face into difficult areas or do we try to avoid conflict?
·  Do you think we have problems in our relationship that we need to deal with before our wedding?
·  Do we handle conflict well?
·  How are we different?
·  Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?
·  Do you expect or want me to change?
·  Can we both forgive?

source: www.about.com ; Chinese by Celia